Jazzed Up.

Okay so since the Olympics are over I honestly dont know what do to with my hands.
In all honesty its probably a good thing that the olympics are over, those male swimmers bodies got me hot and bothered.

 You obviously see why.

So, summer is coming to an abrupt halt and its almost school time. 

So.Freaking.Excited. I love SWOSU where the focus is me. This summer has been on the lame side, I need my party people to return and tear this nice wholesome town up with me. However, im not really looking forward to having to deal with parking and pedestrians. Parking sucks. So do pedestrians. Swosu tip, if you are a pedestrian, walk fast. 

Now that we have that problem out of the way, a few things have been on my mind lately. To name a few: Domestic cats, Dolly Parton, Possible poison ivy on my forehead, Drinking at work should be allowed and also that a head butt never ever turns out good for anyone. 

So cat pictures crack my shit up. Like, i out of control laugh they are so freaking funny.

I hate touching them or being around them, but I love laughing at pictures of them. Makes zero sense...i know. Shut up. Okay, they really are baby lions though. I was running at Sand Plum last week...where, the possible poison Ivy came from. We'll get to that. Anyways, Im running and I see this little feline perched out waiting to pounce..scared me real good but I tried to catch it to have a Penthouse pet but then it ran.

Speaking of Penthouse Pets.

You all are familiar with my roomie Kaity Beaty.

 Kaity 'I can drink a 30 pack of coors by myself' Beaty. 

ha. I love this girl. She keeps my life exciting to say the least! 

Okay well last night I get home and nobody was there so I hopped in my bedhole and dominated an 8 hour nap. I wake up, walk into the living room....Tanner is asleep on the couch (Which is normal) but there is a rat...okay, a small ugly dog on Tanners legs asleep. I was very much confused. We do not own a dog. So, I woke Tanner up. Asked what the F was going on. Then he told me kaity met some rando and asked to keep his dog over night.

Pause.

She met a random dude. Which he had a pretty girly dog for having the title of a "man" any who, to each their own. She meets this guy, convinces him to let the dog spend the night in the Penthouse. The guy says....Sure. and boom we have a dog sleeping over.

The most ridiculous things happen at my apartment.

God Bless America. and The Penthouse.

Its about to get random up in here.

If I had to pick a random celebrity guest to be on my beer pong team it would hands down be none other than Betty White. I bet home girl can trick shot like a champion.

So monday I had to go to the Doctor, theres a lump in my side its pretty sick it feels like there is a bouncy ball just chillin in my side. But anyways its just a fatty tumor. Apparently everyone has them and they don't realize it. I was really hoping I would have to have surgery, just so I could get some solid anesthesia in me and then be ridiculously stupid after the surgery. Have someone record it. BOOM. YouTube sensation. That really is my life goal to become a YouTube sensation. Anywaysss, I am heathy....but have a fatty tumor. Whatever.

Anyways, my and my Doctor are buddies. She is a real rascal. I told her my mother was reading 50 Shades of Grey and she was too old to be getting aroused by graphic novels. So, Doc is gonna call Dawn and tell her to take it easy. She isnt as young and hormonal as she once was. Thank God.

Speaking of 50 shades, Lucy Hale is in the running to be Anastasia Steele. Yes please.

Radio News: Well, theres this punk ass who calls in 5 times every day during the request show. He uses different names. Every. Time. It really drives me nuts I mean we are a small market radio station just use your own name JAMES. I am going to start recording them and then play it for the 5:30 funnies. Joke is on you point dexter. Then the other day I didnt realize the mic was on....I started singing another one bites the dust. It was great.

Penthouse News: Well, Kaitlin and Chief Tattle Tale (AKA Old indian that lives below us) have been getting into it. Back in December running buffalo asked us to do his laundry for him....yeah, old man panties are just what I want to be touching. NOT. So, naturally we said no. Well, I said no. Kaity said MF'er there is no MFing way in hell that will happen! Its hostile to say the least. He is now proceeding to call the land lords and tattle on us. Listen ya old ass, you are living in college apartments. Not the nursing home. Get out of here smelly!



I also promised Taylor Hancock, my step sister that I would give her a paragraph in this blog. If you are not friends with Taylor your missing out. Well anyways, Taylor happens to be the proud parent of the cutest baby in the world. Miss Ava Kate Hancock. Ava loves me so much. Her 3rd day on earth I gave her some firecrackers and pop rocks....her 365th day on earth I gave her Roman Candles. Im basically the greatest step aunt ever.

She works out. 

One time Taylor punched me in the face. It was awesome. 

Thats a lie, I kicked her ass all through high school. Made her cry. She called me her sensai. 

Alright I gotta get back to work now. Gotta head on over to the ol Hydro Free Fair to broadcast and eat fried food that will make me a fat as sh*t squirrel. Get some.  

Ill leave you with Miley Cyrus/Draco Malfoy triangle. 

Captains Log. August 9, 2012.

We've came a long way.

USA > China. No matter what.  

We in the car, we ridin slow. We doing things that them girls dont do. 

So, some things going on lately in the wonderful life of Rachel The Jet Smith. Well, I have turned over a new social media leaf. From going public with my Twitter, to deactivating my facebook. Its been a bumpy ride. Haha, I honestly dont know whats going on in so many peoples lives right now....like who recently checked into the gym? Who just went from being single to "its complicated"? Who posted a mirror pic? Who wants ToBeHonest by liking a status? Who wants to talk sh*t on Chicken Fil A.... oh I miss it. However, it has been refreshing having a break. But it was decided today that I will activate it the night before class starts....so the 21st of August cause lets face it, what would I do in the JLab without Facebook? Get real. 

Enough of that nonsense, lets talk important shi. 

Like, Olympics. The hot AF weather. Me being single. And last but not least, the constant amount of suck in country music these days. 

LETS TALK OLYMPICS. 

AS OF RIGHT NOW WE HAVE A 10 MEDAL LEAD ON CHINA. 

Whatup. 

USA>China. 

Swimming 

Michael Phelps is an Olympic God. 

Ryan Lochte is a sweet sweet sex kitten.

Missy Franklin is 17 and has accomplished more than I will in my entire life. I want to be her bestfriend. 

If you havent watched the Call Me Maybe video the USA swim team did. watch it, meow.

Gymnastics

Gabby Douglas is amazing. Her mom filed bankruptcy earlier in the year and was working 3 jobs to get her through gymnastics, now Gabby just signed a multi-million dolla contract with Kellogs. So, another amazing story about following your dreams and having faith in God. So happy for her! Now, let me go enjoy the 12 boxes of Corn Flakes I bought....

And, also Jordyn Weiber is a champion I like her a lot. i feel bad for her not getting to compete in the all around...(Thanks a heap for that BS rule Russia)  but ya know, home girl has a gold medal around her neck yeah she shed a few tears but I would piss my pants to have a team gold medal! Thats the bees knees. Dry those eyes Jordyn, you now have over 12K twitter followers. Thats something to be proud of!

Lets not forget the MVPs of the Olympics, yes Most Valuable Parents....todays award goes to none other that the awkward as hell parents of Ally Reisman. 

hahahaha. Cracks me up. Are they on a rollercoaster? Weirdies.

Now, briefly lets talk Mens Gymnastics. 

I dont understand where their wieners go. Tucked? Has to be. 

2) I dont like the fairy dances they do.....too much gayness. 

However the mens gymnastics were totally worth watching because of one fella -who one of my twitter followers brought it to my attention looks like Kip from Napolean Dynamite- ACCURATE....a fella who has to be a porn star that still lives with his mom and dad. 

See what I mean? He's gotta have some fuggged up hobbies.

Now, Now lets travel to JAMAICA. 

USAIN BOLT...

is a freak of nature. He is amazing. If I could run that fast I would chase cheetahs in my free time or something equally ridiculous. Those Jamaicans can run. Bravo. I dont mind a Jamaican beating the USA I only mind China beating the USA. That shit will never be okay. And his last name is Bolt. Freaking come on thats awesome, if i ever named my kid something amazing it would come out a little nerd child that only wants to read Harry Potter and eat lunchables in his underwear. Like, that would be my luck. Anyways, with a last name like Bolt, I am glad he fufilled his name. Also, hes quite the jokester, I respect that. Everyone is talking noise about him being cocky...okay, well when you can run a 200 in 19 please, please show my how humble you are. 

Also I think I want to win a gold medal, not just for the endorsements which would be pretty kick ass. But I want to win a gold medal so I can get some shout outs from celebrities on Twitter. Gabby Douglas has got tweets from Lil Wayne, Nicki, Octavia Spencer,Pitbull, Ashton Kutcher, Raven Symone, Mike Vick, Bieber, and Selena Gomez....just to name drop a few.

So i've got 4 years to become the very best at something and win gold at it....Archery...its gotta be Archery. Ill go straight Pocahontas on those fools.

Moving on....

SPEAKING OF THE HOT AS HELL TEMPERATURES. 

This summer has been a real steamy puppy, and I am very thankful I am not working at Belle Mere Farm this summer instead im sitting in the AC jamming to some terrible country music that brings me to our next topic.....

Why oh why does country music suck these days? I mean anything Toby Keith puts out is gonna be trashy and related to beer. Tim McGraws new song the opening lyric is "Lil wayne bompin on my ipod." Okay, 1) Tim please name me 4 Wayne songs. Please. 2) Never say bompin, that just makes it certain you are way to old to be trying to produce pop country. I mean we get it, you are really meaning F yeah instead of Truck Yeah, brilliant play on words genius. Stick to your guns, get back to Johnnys dad takin him fishin...when he was 8 years old. 

And not hating at all on Little Big Towns new song Pontoon....but I still chuckle every time it says mmmmm motor boatin. haha. Man even writing that I laughed. I. Am. Immature.

I just bit my lip, turns out its swollen. 

Weird, the other day I got asked out by a guy calling in to request a song on the request show. Gutsy. Yet, setting himself up for rejection...which I gladly gave him....then I didnt play his song....come on like im ever going to play Fish by Craig Campbell after you just tried to get a piece of this native tail. Getouttahere. 

Thats basically it, I live a dull life. Get at me brah. 

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy....so heres my number....call me maybe? 

-@rrachelsmithh

Disclaimer: I do not hate Chinese people in general. Just the country. Every 4 years. Making that crystal clear. This is America. We are the best, not China. China makes our medals. They dont wear them. 

Yeah I realize how racist I sound. Get off my blog.